Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
The Mental Health Awareness Week' s theme was "Move for your mental health." Social media platforms were drowning in posts and reels from the all main mental health charities and fitness gurus/ influencers, sharing the benefits of physical exercises on our mental health. This theme didn't take into account the many complexities of mental illnesses/ distress.
We, human beings, are the only species on the planet who don't meet our children's emotional needs and don't understand the importance of attachment. Most of the time, parents - especially, mothers- aren't to blame: society teaches us to separate from our babies as soon as they are out of the womb. We are warned not to let our infants getting to attached to us, when, in truth, attachment is vital for their growth and well-being;. Without a secure and loving attachment, to their primary carer, kids will experienced great difficulties as adults and some might not even survive.
#SAAM - the Sexual Assault Awareness campaign is this month. I wish I could write such things as: "If you have experienced sexual assault or rape, please go to the Police, talk to someone, anyone who could help you though this." Sadly, I can't because the reality is the experiences of victims and survivors of SA are still being dismissed, minimised, if not used as opportunities to further hurt those who are seeking help.
Mental health services in the UK have always been hard to access. In the last past 5 years, they can no longer meet the needs of the increasing numbers of suffering individuals. The recuring question is "Why are more and more people diagnosed with depression/ADHD/ BPD? ETC" So, what is happening?
For most adults survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, nights are sleepless, restless moments, filled with anxiety, nightmares, emotional and visual flashbacks. It leaves many in distress and unable to lead a fulfilled life. We are bombarded with self-help tips on how to improve our sleep but, is it enough for those who have been through the big trauma of CSA? What help is there, out there, for those can't even find peace at night?
If you have been following me for awhile, you know I am not sleeping well or not at all or, when I do, I have recurring nightmares. I have tried so many things on the many self-care lists that goes around on social media. I welcomed many suggestions from friends, doctors and therapists. I have tried it all.
- Meditation/ mindfullness/chanting
- Warm bubble bath
- Journaling
- Reading before bed (instead of watching Netflix)
- Burning lavender oil/ incense
- Drinking herbal teas
- Natural sleeping aid
- Diazepam, prescribed by a psychiatrist
- Reaching out to friends
- I made my bedroom all cozy
- I leave the bedroom to another room (instead if tossing and turning in bed)
Looking at the self help tips listed on the NHS Inform website, I have tried most of them. I didn't try any CBT or other therapies. with the aim of treating my sleep problems. All the therapies I attended were in the aim of dealing with my childhood filled with abuse. Well, the Person Centred Approach therapies were, but not the Mentalisation Based Therapy (I was referred to it after a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis), which was all about modifying my "pathological" behaviour and thoughts - without even dwelving into my childhood trauma. MBT is all about the "here and now", for survivors" of trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, this isn't enough. CBT is the same: it doesn't help with trauma core issues. so, if your sleep difficulties are effects of adverse child abuse, I don't think CBT is going to help much. CBT is offered online where I live too. What about the human contact aspect of therapy? Isn't it supposed to be a relationship? I am willing to look more into CBT and I will get back to you.
I was refered to and attended appointments, as well as an overnight stay, at the Sleep Clinic, Guy's Hospital. Unfortunately, I have missed my latest appointment because of my lack of night time sleep. The doctor I saw agreed that my sleep difficulties and nightmares were probably due to serious ongoing abuse in childhood. I am on Sertraline, an antidepressant, that can actually mess with my sleep. Great, isn't it?! She advised me to try and take in the morning, rather than in the evening, as I normally do. "Or you can try Diazapam." No thank you. It was prescribed to me before, after I overdosed on meds and needed to sleep: I hated it. I felt dizzy and groggy all day. Yes, it knocked me out into sleeping but, I felt like a zombie during the day! I didn't take it for long, the withdrawal symptoms were powerful. Well, it is a powerful Valium, isn't it? As are all its benzodiazepines
family members: temazepam, loprazolam, lormetazepam, diazepam and nitrazepam. Taking Sertraline in the morning didn't help.
The NHS advises against taking "over the counter sleeping pills" such as antihistamines. Nor does it encourage taking "herbal remedies, such as valerian extract."
or try "complementary and alternative" therapies, such as acupuncture, hypnotherapy and reflexology". I asked my GP before taking over the counter pills, She gave me the green light but, one didn't work and the other made me feel sick. I also personally think it is a great idea to try "alternative therapies"(May I add: alongside more "conventional therapies." It is about balance): they help to relax and to get in tune with yourself. They won't cure the insomnia but they might help in dealing with the causes of it.
On one particular difficult night, I recorded a video sharing my thoughts and feelings. I posted it on the Winter Turns Into Spring Instagram account.
It was daunting posting it: here I was showing my tired face. I showed it to a friend who encouraged me to create a VLog on the website. Its aim is to show people what happens at night, for survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. I've been told before I didn't look depressed: my videos aren't edited, or brushed up. I don't wear make up either. They show me, just as I am.
and tell me what you think. Is there a particular topic you would like me to talk about?
Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences and what helps you to sleep. It isn't that I think there is nothing out there to help me. I just haven't found it yet.
Sylvie
