Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog

The end of the year 2023 is near. While we are forced fed Christmas joy everywhere, some of us, victims and survivors of child abuse and ,estranged from their immediate family (parents and siblings), this time of the year can be very painful. The holidays can bring up so much Christmas tears, while everyone else is caught up in Christmas cheers.

I don't remember much of my childhood Christmases. What comes up in my mind is this photo of me, as a child, posing in front of the tree, hugging my new Care bear. I look so unhappy. My Mother used to say: "You never smiled much." One year, my mother spend some time on a psychiatric hospital and was released just before Christmas. I was so happy to see her. While preparing snacks she cruelly mocked me, I burst into tears, and hid in my room. I was accused of killing the mood. There was the time when my step-father surprised her with a gift - when money was a bit tied - and we could all feel how angry she was. As a teenager, I didn't even look forward to getting up and open presents. Santa also was a great weapon to use against my little brother: "If you are naughty, Santa won't come." or "I'll call Santa to come and get your toys back."

Growing up, I've always experienced a giddy like excitement as the Holidays approached. There also was this deep unhappiness, which I ignored for years. Once I stopped having no contact with my immediate family, it felt very lonely too. It was really painful. Friends would invite me to join them. Every year, by September, I was trying to find someone to spend Christmas with, so afraid to spend it all alone - my daughter spend Christmas with her family (for a long time I thought it best for her to spend this time with her paternal family.)

I didn't make my child believe in Father Christmas. I didn't like the idea of lying to my daughter to then, inform her, it wasn't true. This is obviously influenced by my childhood experiences. The festivities are magic in other ways! Having said that, I don't judge parents who follow the tradition. We are all different and need to do what we feel is right for our kids.

This year, I decided to be alone. My daughter will be with her partner, friends will be busy with their own families. I don't fancy to fly anywhere. I find it too stressful, this time of year. I know it might be a difficult time. I can feel different Inner Parts: the small one who can' t wait! The older one who wished she had a "special someone" to hug, under the Christmas tree. Another one who wished she had parents to go back home to, all joy and happiness, like in the TV advertisements. One is angry at all the consumerism BS: not everyone can afford all the pretty things, some can't even buy toys for their kids.  Others are or will be homeless, in the streets or in a hostel, all alone (I was one year).

I gave up trying to make it this BIG joyful event. I'm settling for a peaceful time, with my cat, in my Christmas pjs, eating my favourite snacks and resting till the New Year. If I feel sad, I'll hold myself in tender, loving care. Or I'll grab my cat for a hug. I will arrange to call friends, my daughter and my brother (whom I met this year for the first time, this year, with his lovely family) There is Love in my life, but I also know, sometimes, the sadness of the past resurfaces to be acknowledged and loved.

Take gentle care of yourselves (as much as you can anyway, gently does it.)

Sylvie

For more information on Inner Parts Work/ Internal Family System, read NO BAD PARTS by DR Richard Schwartz. Ph.D.