Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog

#SAAM - the Sexual Assault Awareness campaign is this month. I wish I could write such things as: "If you have experienced sexual assault or rape, please go to the Police, talk to someone, anyone who could help you though this." Sadly, I can't because the reality is the experiences of victims and survivors of SA are still being dismissed, minimised, if not used as opportunities to further hurt those who are seeking help.

Rape Crisis - England and Wales, gives the following statistics:

Between October 2022 and September 2023:

• 1in 4 women (6.54 millions in total) have been raped or sexually assaulted
• 1 in 6 children have been sexually abused
• 1 in 18 men (1.34 millions in total) have been raped or sexually abused - as adults.

On the 15th of March 2024, Rape Crisis published the following article: Alarming scale of sexual violence and abuse on mental health wards. It reads: "These investigations have uncovered deeply concerning incidents and safeguarding failures within mental health inpatient settings - almost 4,000 sexual safety ‘incidents’ were reported between January and August 2023, perpetrated by a combination of professionals and fellow patients. We commend the enormous courage and tenacity of the survivors who came forward to speak about their experiences of sexual harassment, rape and sexual abuse, raising awareness of this issue."

Charlotte Lynch, for LBC, wrote, on January 2024: 139 Met officers reinvestigated for rape and sexual abuse after being allowed to keep jobs. "They  (The Operation Onyx  Team) checked 1,418 officers and 218 staff for missed investigative opportunities, which resulted in 139 live rape and sexual abuse investigations now being dealt with by the Domestic Abuse and Sexual Offences team." 

Vikram Dodd, Police and crime correspondent for The Guardian, on Fri 9 Feb 2024 : Met officers dissuaded children from making sexual abuse claims, report finds "Other failures listed in damning official report include blaming children for ‘making poor choices’ Metropolitan police officers tried to put off children from making complaints about alleged sexual abuse and privately blamed young people for crimes suffered, a damning official report has revealed. Most investigations into child exploitation were rated as inadequate by His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC). Of the 244 cases it examined, 43 were graded as good, more than half (121) as inadequate and 80 as needing improvement."

On the 3rd if September 2023, Ed Thomas - Special Correspondent - published on BBC News : Family courts: Children forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse. It reads: "Dozens of children have been forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse, a study has found. In some cases in the research, revealed for the first time by the BBC, the fathers were convicted paedophiles. In all cases, fathers had used a disputed concept in court known as "parental alienation". The heart-breaking stories in the article, demonstrate the little support found by protective mothers/parents,  who are further abused by ex-partners and by the judicial system, separating them from their children and destroying lives, instead of protecting them.

On the 17th of April 2024, Sanchia Berg, for BBC News, wrote:  Paedophiles could be stripped of parental rights under new law

Speaking to BBC News, "Ms Harman said paedophiles who were guilty of that crime in the future would be "automatically deprived" of their parental rights."  This is long overdue and  needs to be implemented as soon as possible.

All these statistics and figures, are just the tip of the iceberg. They certainly don't reflect the profound damages (in mind, body and spirit) rape and sexual abuse/assault have on a victims. For the last few years. there have been a few scandals, relating to "celebrities", individuals regarded as "powerful" and "hiding in plain sight." Harvey Weinstein, Donald trump, Epstein, Dan Schneider, Jimmy Saville. The list is endless. The same pattern occurs when those public figures are pulled out of the shadows, victims are treated as liars and publicly shamed: "Why did the victims spoke sooner?" or "Instead of talking to journalists, why not go to the police?" Victims go to the police, victims speak out (loud and clear) but they are the one being relentlessly bullied: "Did you say NO?" - "Did you make it clear you didn't want to?" "S/he/they is too powerful. Nobody will believe you." - "It is just the s/he/they are! Let it go."

Let's not let the "high profile cases" make us forget all the children, and adults victims and survivors in danger of sexual assault on a daily basis, at home, by a parent, a sibling, a family member or, the church Priest, or the Scout coach. Perpetrators are everywhere. They are skilled liars and groom everyone around them, to hide their dirty secrets but, it is clear that there is always some "rumour" or, at least one person notices something, but brushes it under the carpet. It isn't that they are hiding in plain sight, it is that too many people know, but turn a blind eye.

The focus on prevention is missing the mark. Whilst educating children about personal and physical space and boundaries, "No, you can't touch me there." - "No I don't want to. Stop this" is important, it places the responsibility on the victims to stop the abuse when they, every often are too young to understand what is done to them and, too young  to defend themselves against an adult. Same goes for adults, especially women; "Don't go home late and alone. Don't listen to music when walking. Don't wear this or that" and, again the famous: "Make sure you make it clear: No is No" A rapist doesn't care what a victim does or says.

A reminder: the only person entirely at fault is the abuser.

So, what needs to be done - beyond lovely slogans, #s, and prevention?

• Education to burst all victims shaming and blaming myths.
• Victims (big and small, and all genders) need lo safe places to go to, and loving, supportive people around them. They need someone who holds space for all their emotions and experiences. They need to be heard.
• They need professionals who do their job properly, at defending them and at holding the perpetrators to account.
• Allies - non abusive parents and carers - need to be included in children's care and safety plan, and supported alongside their children.
• Regardless of status, position of "authority", bank accounts sizes, ALL PEPETRATORS should be arrested and face the consequences of their actions.
• Law and legislations need to be changed for supportive and protective parents to keep their children with them.

There are is much to do, to be changed. Oftentimes, it feels hopeless.

Take gentle care of yourselves.

Sylvie

Helpful websites:

WE STAND: "Child sexual abuse affects the whole family. It can fracture family relationships and creates lasting trauma. We Stand takes a unique whole family approach to supporting victims of child sexual abuse and their non-abusing parents, carers, and siblings. We aim to ensure that all families impacted by child sexual abuse are supported to move on positively with their lives."

Helping Survivors: "Our goal is to help people who have been impacted by sexual assault and abuse get the resources and assistance they need and deserve."

The Survivors Trust - to find support in your local area